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Don’t mind me, I’m just
staying inside my head today.
I’m still here!
I’m just not out there.
It’s easy to run and hide.
Hide away by myself,
with myself,
inside myself :)
Avoid eye contact.
Your outside can run on autopilot!
Don’t forget though,
to put just enough effort in
to sound normal.
Enough to avoid questions
or offence;
but hey don’t worry too much about it -
after all inside your head it doesn’t matter!
Easiest to avoid people perhaps.
Make a quick retreat from any attempt at interaction:
a weak smile, look away,
run away.
You can do what you want inside your head!
And be what you want
and they’ll never know you’re crazy.
Except that you know they notice.
But hey, frell them.
Inside your head it doesn’t matter what people think.
That’s why you’re there!
Better that way.
Easier.
Always easy to run and hide,
although...
it never really works.
:(

Looking at photos of strangers.

Looking at photos of strangers
whose names I know
used to know
and you called me acca
and you meant too much to me.
It's so easy to love a child
when they love you
and they are yours
though I was sometimes jealous
that you were really hers.
And i'm looking at her pictures
from when she was with you,
I'm sorry I didn't come
I was sorry but now I'm not so sure
I'm so removed
You all match so well.
And I didn't recognise you, you know.
You've grown so much
while I was away
and so now I don't want to go back
I don't want to look
because however things drift and times change and people aren't the same
I can hold the memory and try to forget the drifting
and the jealousy.
So I'm afraid to go back
Because it can never be the same.
But it's worse looking at photos
because I'll never know if somewhere in there it's still you
and maybe I can still match too.